Lucy got my brother a Christmas present this year. She really wanted to buy him a Chia Pet. A Bob Ross Chia Pet, to be specific. Upon opening this present, my brother found it very funny and was extremely impressed with my dog’s shopping skills.
Okay, to be completely honest, Lucy didn’t actually buy the Chia Pet. She doesn’t have a job and can’t get approved for a credit card. Jack bought it, which is ironic because Jack doesn’t Christmas shop. He leaves that effort entirely to me. I’m not really complaining. If Jack were tasked with doing any Christmas shopping at all, everybody would likely receive windshield scrapers for their cars. Or possibly a Chia Pet.
The most ridiculous part of this whole thing is that just days before Christmas, while we were at the home improvement store looking for a towel bar for our bathroom, Jack noticed the Chia Pet and insisted we get it for my brother. Never mind that I already had a thoughtful and appropriate gift for my brother and his wife. Never mind the fact that Chia Bob wasn’t even on sale. Never mind the fact that I can’t understand why Chia Pets continue to be a thing in spite of the fact they appear to serve no real purpose. Regardless, we left the store with a towel bar and Chia Bob.
When we got home, I said to Jack, “You’re wrapping this thing.”
Just “Nope,” and then he walked away to signal the conversation was over. He insisted on buying this stupid gag gift and then just refused to wrap it. I don’t know if he assumed I would wrap it for him. But he must have known that my mild sense of Christmas OCD would not allow me to put Bob Ross under the tree without being enclosed in some festive paper. Never mind that I had already spent the good part of another day wrapping gifts for family, and wrapping more gifts to be donated. I don’t love gift-wrapping. I thought I was done. I was relieved to be done. And now I wasn’t done.
So I wrapped Chia Bob. And in protest, I wrote the gift tag from the dog instead of from Jack.
In all fairness, the whole family had a good laugh when my brother opened his gift. And he seems to be having fun with it, although we learned that starting the Chia Pet’s growth journey isn’t exactly a simple process. I mean, it’s not rocket science, but it does involve a fair amount of effort. But now we receive regular Facebook updates on the growth of Bob’s chia afro. So that’s fun. Maybe I was wrong when I said these things hold no real purpose. The ongoing fun is totally worth the twenty dollars my dog spent.